Jokes/Humor

Anything that has Nothing to do with archery!
Forum rules
No political rants, discussion or arguing.
Message
Author
Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#196 Post by Captainkirk »

A Close Shave

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#197 Post by Captainkirk »

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the
Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little
red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and
a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said
with admiration.”Thanks”, the girl replied.
The firefight looked a little closer. The girl had tied
the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.
‘Little partner’, the firefighter said, ‘I don’t want to
tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that
rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster’.
The little girl replied thoughtfully,‘You’re probably right,
but then I wouldn’t have a siren’.
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#198 Post by Captainkirk »

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it is getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Aim small, miss small!

jd-xlt
Posts: 126
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2018 4:19 am

Re: Jokes/Humor

#199 Post by jd-xlt »

What did Mama Cannonball say to Papa Cannonball? "I'm going to have a BB"
"Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day,"

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#200 Post by Captainkirk »

jd-xlt wrote: Tue Apr 03, 2018 6:33 am What did Mama Cannonball say to Papa Cannonball? "I'm going to have a BB"
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Aim small, miss small!

User avatar
Graps
Posts: 6696
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:39 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#201 Post by Graps »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

User avatar
Graps
Posts: 6696
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:39 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#202 Post by Graps »

The children of this old man that was going to have his 90th birthday desided to get him something very special for his birthday.
They desided to hire a hooker to give him super sex.
She went to his house and when he answered the door, she said " I'm here to give you super sex for your birthday."
He said to her " wow that's nice, the soup sounds good!"
"Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much." ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#203 Post by Captainkirk »

What kind of soup?
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#204 Post by Captainkirk »

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed, trying to sleep but listening to the next door neighbor's dog..
It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed
And her husband says, "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"

The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!
Aim small, miss small!

Captainkirk
Site Admin
Posts: 12787
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:19 pm

Re: Jokes/Humor

#205 Post by Captainkirk »

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, "Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like to buy you a drink." The pirate came over and ordered rum.

"Just out of curiosity," the man said, "How did you lose your leg?"

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboard for stealing a man's rum."

"That's just terrible. How did you lose your hand?" the man said.

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that fighting cannibals off Madagascar under Admiral Hawk."

"Oh my!" the man said, "I can't even imagine! How did you lose your eye?"

"Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!" said the pirate.

"A seagull!" the man exclaimed. "Is seagull poop dangerous?!"

"Nay, matey, it was on me first day with the hook..."
Aim small, miss small!

Post Reply

Return to “Off-Topic Discussion”